August 18: My Last Words, My Last Love, A Letter To You

From the words of my lady,
“what am I to you?, tell me darling true”

I’ve been sitting for days now thinking of the right thing to say. Over and over I listen to Norah trying to find some consolation to the questions playing repeatedly in my head. I’ve never been a person who has flair for words to put matters across to people, emotionally that is.

Little did I know what started over a night of a hasty decision, turned into something I couldn’t explain. Maybe, for once I’m trying to tell you. Perhaps.

“When I look into your eyes,
I could feel butterflies...”

I blindly entered a battle of war of truth and lies, existence and love. Why did I? Why did you? Was it the butterflies?

I’m torn between 2 worlds. One world tells me that it is wrong for me to be around you. The other kept assuring me it wasn’t. In both, I lost. Contemplating over this, it made me question myself, Why You? Was it your perfume? Was it the sound of your voice? Was it your touch? I hated the emotions. Which emotions? Hatred? Guilt? Satisfaction? Happy? Or love?

“Opened up my heart
Never want to part
I'm giving you the ball”

I constantly reminded myself, “no commitments, no strings attach”. Bullshit I say.

A dance wouldn’t be a dance, when only 1 dances.
A clap won’t sound, if one tries with just one hand.
A match won’t be one with one team playing.

Why this long?

I’ve smiled, I’ve laughed, I’ve listened, I’ve cried, I’ve had sleepless nights, I’ve hurt, I’ve cared, I’ve done more than “no strings attached, No commitments”.

We’ve sung, we’ve danced, we’ve held hands, we’ve kissed, we’ve had long nights, we’ve argued, we’ve shared, we’ve talked, Tell me, is it really “no strings attached? No commitments?”

What is real between us? I’m “non-existence”. Remember?
All it was, was just a “blip”.
All honesty, all truth fades in this world we’ve created.

What do you expect me to feel after 6 months? Hate? Like? Non-existence feelings?
I’m still just a person made of clay.
Both just alike in many ways, different in many ways.


“See I cry if you hurt
I'd give you my last shirt
Because I love you so”

“I love You”.... 3 little words, yet tremendous effect on one. We’ve uttered them, yet, it’s meaning? Empty.

I shy away from the truth of my existence, because I don’t deserve to. Neither you.

For the last time, I’ll say these to you, I love you.

I’m a changed person because of me, not you.
I want to change, because I want to, not for you.
I deserve to be happy, because of me. Not you.

At the end of the battle, I’ll turn my back, and see myself right to the door. I’ve got nothing to lose, because I survived. I survived the pain. I survived the heartache. I’ll go .We’ve parted ways, and let it be there.

Non-existence world we created,
Leaving behind the memories we dreamed,
Between you and me,
Let the love fade,
For now or never, if love prevails
Forever it stays.

To you,
I leave this question to you, ask deep within yourself, let all honesty, all truth within u answer.
What am I to You?




Yours truly,
xoxo
audreythe fragile heart