Hello.. after a long hiatus since last year. Nearly a year. I didn't want to start off a new blog .. So, I'll just pick up where I left off.
2010 has really been interestingly challenging in a sweet bitter sour way, though I wouldn't mind all the recent good stuff that has been happening.
last year's story was a lot about AstroBoy, which was very complicated. I hadn't really resolve the situation as dainty as I would like but then again endings are not as romantic and easy realistically.
I've lived quite a fairytale last year... full of drama! sheesh.. lucky for me, that has ended.
I'm not gonna post a long one dis time as I've got another thing in mind. I will be writing my life again..
To AstroBoy a silent goodbye
if you're reading.....
I wish you good luck, happiness.
I forgave you a long time ago.
Live life.
it's just that, I don't want to have you in my life again.
Goodbye.
alright, with that done. I am very proud of myself that I've forgave and moved on and said my goodbyes.
sometimes, some people are not worth keeping, don't you think?
love,
aud.
Showing posts with label Feelings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Feelings. Show all posts
Monday, September 13, 2010
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
When sweet turns into sour
"after every rain, there's sunshine at the end"...
mm.... they've failed to mention, after that awesome, bright, hot sunshine, there could be storm, hurricane, or even worst.
Why does happiness doesn't last forever? Why does fairytales seems just too bloody good to be true? Is it just so damn hard to find that bitter beginning but, sweet ending story? How I wish my life would sometime end like 'Notting hill' or 'sleepless in seattle' or 'when harry meets sally'?
that's why they say "those only happen in movies..." *sigh*
at times like these, I wish I have smart words, or clever phrases to depict my inner thoughts, yet I only have simple boring figure of speech. Yes, I'm no Sydney Shieldon or some marvelous writer. All I have, is me.
Why do people can be thicker than skin? Why does some, can't seem to realize what they've done hurt others, when it's so above surface than skin? shit. what Am i babbling?
Okay, So I've said things that I might or might not regret in the past hour, but should I really regret? hell No. Why not? hmm, I've gone through so much, without "you" knowing.
to you:
if only, we traded shoes, I could see what you see,
I could hear what you heared,
I could feel what you feel,
I could feel your pain.
for once, have you placed yourself in my shoe?
for once, has honesty been with us? to yourself? to me? to the world?
why?
coward-ness?
selfishness?
worthiness?
Yes, First impression lasts, but not for long,
for they say "don't judge a book just by it's freaking title..."
read the whole book, you'd know if the book is just worth keeping.
To you,
I'm sorry if my words tainted your colors,
never I meant, to kill the cat,
I've gave all I have, all my love,
for you throw it all away,
thank you, you've opened my eyes.
to a new brighter world, to a new chapter, to a new book.
Now, I won't just buy a book for it's cover, for it's title,
but for the stories, the book keeps.
A new person,
a new leaf
a new life,
a new year.
2010, I wait for you to come.
mm.... they've failed to mention, after that awesome, bright, hot sunshine, there could be storm, hurricane, or even worst.
Why does happiness doesn't last forever? Why does fairytales seems just too bloody good to be true? Is it just so damn hard to find that bitter beginning but, sweet ending story? How I wish my life would sometime end like 'Notting hill' or 'sleepless in seattle' or 'when harry meets sally'?
that's why they say "those only happen in movies..." *sigh*
at times like these, I wish I have smart words, or clever phrases to depict my inner thoughts, yet I only have simple boring figure of speech. Yes, I'm no Sydney Shieldon or some marvelous writer. All I have, is me.
Why do people can be thicker than skin? Why does some, can't seem to realize what they've done hurt others, when it's so above surface than skin? shit. what Am i babbling?
Okay, So I've said things that I might or might not regret in the past hour, but should I really regret? hell No. Why not? hmm, I've gone through so much, without "you" knowing.
to you:
if only, we traded shoes, I could see what you see,
I could hear what you heared,
I could feel what you feel,
I could feel your pain.
for once, have you placed yourself in my shoe?
for once, has honesty been with us? to yourself? to me? to the world?
why?
coward-ness?
selfishness?
worthiness?
Yes, First impression lasts, but not for long,
for they say "don't judge a book just by it's freaking title..."
read the whole book, you'd know if the book is just worth keeping.
To you,
I'm sorry if my words tainted your colors,
never I meant, to kill the cat,
I've gave all I have, all my love,
for you throw it all away,
thank you, you've opened my eyes.
to a new brighter world, to a new chapter, to a new book.
Now, I won't just buy a book for it's cover, for it's title,
but for the stories, the book keeps.
A new person,
a new leaf
a new life,
a new year.
2010, I wait for you to come.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
August 18: My Last Words, My Last Love, A Letter To You
From the words of my lady,
“what am I to you?, tell me darling true”
I’ve been sitting for days now thinking of the right thing to say. Over and over I listen to Norah trying to find some consolation to the questions playing repeatedly in my head. I’ve never been a person who has flair for words to put matters across to people, emotionally that is.
Little did I know what started over a night of a hasty decision, turned into something I couldn’t explain. Maybe, for once I’m trying to tell you. Perhaps.
“When I look into your eyes,
I could feel butterflies...”
I blindly entered a battle of war of truth and lies, existence and love. Why did I? Why did you? Was it the butterflies?
I’m torn between 2 worlds. One world tells me that it is wrong for me to be around you. The other kept assuring me it wasn’t. In both, I lost. Contemplating over this, it made me question myself, Why You? Was it your perfume? Was it the sound of your voice? Was it your touch? I hated the emotions. Which emotions? Hatred? Guilt? Satisfaction? Happy? Or love?
“Opened up my heart
Never want to part
I'm giving you the ball”
I constantly reminded myself, “no commitments, no strings attach”. Bullshit I say.
A dance wouldn’t be a dance, when only 1 dances.
A clap won’t sound, if one tries with just one hand.
A match won’t be one with one team playing.
Why this long?
I’ve smiled, I’ve laughed, I’ve listened, I’ve cried, I’ve had sleepless nights, I’ve hurt, I’ve cared, I’ve done more than “no strings attached, No commitments”.
We’ve sung, we’ve danced, we’ve held hands, we’ve kissed, we’ve had long nights, we’ve argued, we’ve shared, we’ve talked, Tell me, is it really “no strings attached? No commitments?”
What is real between us? I’m “non-existence”. Remember?
All it was, was just a “blip”.
All honesty, all truth fades in this world we’ve created.
What do you expect me to feel after 6 months? Hate? Like? Non-existence feelings?
I’m still just a person made of clay.
Both just alike in many ways, different in many ways.
“See I cry if you hurt
I'd give you my last shirt
Because I love you so”
“I love You”.... 3 little words, yet tremendous effect on one. We’ve uttered them, yet, it’s meaning? Empty.
I shy away from the truth of my existence, because I don’t deserve to. Neither you.
For the last time, I’ll say these to you, I love you.
I’m a changed person because of me, not you.
I want to change, because I want to, not for you.
I deserve to be happy, because of me. Not you.
At the end of the battle, I’ll turn my back, and see myself right to the door. I’ve got nothing to lose, because I survived. I survived the pain. I survived the heartache. I’ll go .We’ve parted ways, and let it be there.
Non-existence world we created,
Leaving behind the memories we dreamed,
Between you and me,
Let the love fade,
For now or never, if love prevails
Forever it stays.
To you,
I leave this question to you, ask deep within yourself, let all honesty, all truth within u answer.
What am I to You?
Yours truly,
xoxo
audreythe fragile heart
“what am I to you?, tell me darling true”
I’ve been sitting for days now thinking of the right thing to say. Over and over I listen to Norah trying to find some consolation to the questions playing repeatedly in my head. I’ve never been a person who has flair for words to put matters across to people, emotionally that is.
Little did I know what started over a night of a hasty decision, turned into something I couldn’t explain. Maybe, for once I’m trying to tell you. Perhaps.
“When I look into your eyes,
I could feel butterflies...”
I blindly entered a battle of war of truth and lies, existence and love. Why did I? Why did you? Was it the butterflies?
I’m torn between 2 worlds. One world tells me that it is wrong for me to be around you. The other kept assuring me it wasn’t. In both, I lost. Contemplating over this, it made me question myself, Why You? Was it your perfume? Was it the sound of your voice? Was it your touch? I hated the emotions. Which emotions? Hatred? Guilt? Satisfaction? Happy? Or love?
“Opened up my heart
Never want to part
I'm giving you the ball”
I constantly reminded myself, “no commitments, no strings attach”. Bullshit I say.
A dance wouldn’t be a dance, when only 1 dances.
A clap won’t sound, if one tries with just one hand.
A match won’t be one with one team playing.
Why this long?
I’ve smiled, I’ve laughed, I’ve listened, I’ve cried, I’ve had sleepless nights, I’ve hurt, I’ve cared, I’ve done more than “no strings attached, No commitments”.
We’ve sung, we’ve danced, we’ve held hands, we’ve kissed, we’ve had long nights, we’ve argued, we’ve shared, we’ve talked, Tell me, is it really “no strings attached? No commitments?”
What is real between us? I’m “non-existence”. Remember?
All it was, was just a “blip”.
All honesty, all truth fades in this world we’ve created.
What do you expect me to feel after 6 months? Hate? Like? Non-existence feelings?
I’m still just a person made of clay.
Both just alike in many ways, different in many ways.
“See I cry if you hurt
I'd give you my last shirt
Because I love you so”
“I love You”.... 3 little words, yet tremendous effect on one. We’ve uttered them, yet, it’s meaning? Empty.
I shy away from the truth of my existence, because I don’t deserve to. Neither you.
For the last time, I’ll say these to you, I love you.
I’m a changed person because of me, not you.
I want to change, because I want to, not for you.
I deserve to be happy, because of me. Not you.
At the end of the battle, I’ll turn my back, and see myself right to the door. I’ve got nothing to lose, because I survived. I survived the pain. I survived the heartache. I’ll go .We’ve parted ways, and let it be there.
Non-existence world we created,
Leaving behind the memories we dreamed,
Between you and me,
Let the love fade,
For now or never, if love prevails
Forever it stays.
To you,
I leave this question to you, ask deep within yourself, let all honesty, all truth within u answer.
What am I to You?
Yours truly,
xoxo
audreythe fragile heart
Monday, April 27, 2009
Love Factor - Right Person, Wrong Timing.
It's a quiet and warm night. (i miss the rain...)
While my fingers are pinned to the keys of the lappy, I let my brains run wild with ideas to write tonight. Yet, I'm still hopelessly trying to find the right things to write and end up crapping.
Honestly, I don't want this cyberworld I have here to be just a place for me to crap most of the time. (I think the weather is making me go a bit blue tonight).
After a quiet, an alone "me" time dindin, I find myself mulling over things that had happen these past few months.
"why?", "what?", "when?", "how?","who?"
The "WH" questions keeps playing repeatedly in my head like a broken tape player.
Can just someone stop it already?
Then.. I remembered, a conversation I had not long ago with a girlfriend..
"where have all the good guys gone to?"
"They're either taken"
"or... Married".....(long pause, with a snort, and a "duh!" look)
"or.. GAY"
true? perhaps.
Though my belief in the "Right Guy" or in some other terms and context "The One" exist for every girl may have fade over the years after meeting the bunch of mens I've bumped into, but, I do still believe it exist..(yes girls... you may call me foolish for saying that).
Some people have the privilege to date each other and stay in love for so long and only marry after years of dating since high school. Some were high school sweethearts, dated for so long only to realize they weren't right together and parted ways. Others, only took a year, or just months to know "he/she is THE ONE". In Hollywood, takes minutes to get hitched and only realize 24hrs after they're married, they were actually wrong for each other. (bizarred?)
I'm sure you've been in a situation where you've met this new person, and came to know his/her attitude and personality after sometime, and....before you know it, you've started to have that "itchy likey" feeling towards that person. It started with cute, interesting, naive shorts texts (the fishing game I call it), short phone calls, meeting up for a drink in a group...evolved to texting continuously (smiling while reading and replying those texts), more than 3 times a day phone calls (with small laughs that irritates others), meeting up for dinner and finding every reason to meet.
It leaves you with a gluey, warm, happy feeling doesn't it? (it makes your heart go "aaaahh.. or Mmmm... and awww....)
Then this situation goes to a state where you say, "bummer!"...
He has a taken or attached or married or gay or "it's complicated" status! (bummer!)
This goes back to my earlier WH questions which are still madly playing at the back of my head while I'm writing this.
Why You? Why Now? Why not before this? How could I? What am I feeling? When is it ending? How is it gonna be? Why did I meet you?
Who is Us?
What is Us?
then.. it evolved to my "What If" questions.
I answered, all my questions with...
"it was never mine from the beginning"
"It never was mine to start off, never could be, never will be."
He's the "right guy" because of the person he is. The way we are when we're together. The way our mind thinks (though it may not be alike and we misunderstand each other most of the time). Our differences and imperfections are just right. (probably I could be just exaggerating the whole situation). Our likings are just perfect.
We score A+ in Chemistry.
and yet, wrong timing.
why?
till fingers meet keyboards,
signin' off...
audrey
xoxo
While my fingers are pinned to the keys of the lappy, I let my brains run wild with ideas to write tonight. Yet, I'm still hopelessly trying to find the right things to write and end up crapping.
Honestly, I don't want this cyberworld I have here to be just a place for me to crap most of the time. (I think the weather is making me go a bit blue tonight).
After a quiet, an alone "me" time dindin, I find myself mulling over things that had happen these past few months.
"why?", "what?", "when?", "how?","who?"
The "WH" questions keeps playing repeatedly in my head like a broken tape player.
Can just someone stop it already?
Then.. I remembered, a conversation I had not long ago with a girlfriend..
"where have all the good guys gone to?"
"They're either taken"
"or... Married".....(long pause, with a snort, and a "duh!" look)
"or.. GAY"
true? perhaps.
Though my belief in the "Right Guy" or in some other terms and context "The One" exist for every girl may have fade over the years after meeting the bunch of mens I've bumped into, but, I do still believe it exist..(yes girls... you may call me foolish for saying that).
Some people have the privilege to date each other and stay in love for so long and only marry after years of dating since high school. Some were high school sweethearts, dated for so long only to realize they weren't right together and parted ways. Others, only took a year, or just months to know "he/she is THE ONE". In Hollywood, takes minutes to get hitched and only realize 24hrs after they're married, they were actually wrong for each other. (bizarred?)
I'm sure you've been in a situation where you've met this new person, and came to know his/her attitude and personality after sometime, and....before you know it, you've started to have that "itchy likey" feeling towards that person. It started with cute, interesting, naive shorts texts (the fishing game I call it), short phone calls, meeting up for a drink in a group...evolved to texting continuously (smiling while reading and replying those texts), more than 3 times a day phone calls (with small laughs that irritates others), meeting up for dinner and finding every reason to meet.
It leaves you with a gluey, warm, happy feeling doesn't it? (it makes your heart go "aaaahh.. or Mmmm... and awww....)
Then this situation goes to a state where you say, "bummer!"...
He has a taken or attached or married or gay or "it's complicated" status! (bummer!)
This goes back to my earlier WH questions which are still madly playing at the back of my head while I'm writing this.
Why You? Why Now? Why not before this? How could I? What am I feeling? When is it ending? How is it gonna be? Why did I meet you?
Who is Us?
What is Us?
then.. it evolved to my "What If" questions.
I answered, all my questions with...
"it was never mine from the beginning"
"It never was mine to start off, never could be, never will be."
He's the "right guy" because of the person he is. The way we are when we're together. The way our mind thinks (though it may not be alike and we misunderstand each other most of the time). Our differences and imperfections are just right. (probably I could be just exaggerating the whole situation). Our likings are just perfect.
We score A+ in Chemistry.
and yet, wrong timing.
why?
till fingers meet keyboards,
signin' off...
audrey
xoxo
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