screaming lady

I hate when this happens....

My sleeping problems are back! damn.

I don't know why the hell can't I just sleep early and have a good night rest. Now it's getting really terrible. I sleep at 5am and wake up at 11am to go to work. I don't know what is happening to me. mm.... sigh. I need to get myself fix. soon.

another odd thing is, it's been three nights I've been recurring dreams - a woman shouting at me. shit. I'm not the type of person who dreams a lot, but lately, I've been getting a lot of them, at one point, I dreamed about myself at a feast, with lots of food. funny.

here I am at 1.07am, woken by silly dogs yacking in the mid of nite.. terrible.



the one deprived of sleep,
xoxo
audrey

A Song For You

I know I haven't been writing anything lately. I blame it on procrastination, lost for smart words and ideas, and hi-rising level of laziness. To be fair though, I actually had a saved-needed-to-be edited post before this one. But..... never got the time. (yea.. rite) Oh well, I'm gonna make it up with this post. It's gonna be a good one... promise (pergh.. perasan tahap dewa).


I've always loved singing for as long as I can remember. Sadly, I'm not much of a singer to be honest. Music has played a very big part in my life. Through every chapter of my life, through good and bad, laughter and tears, heartaches and break-ups. I must say, there's always a song for every mood I am in.

To me, every song has its story. Especially when it reminds you of a person. A song can be a place where you keep memories of you and someone. No matter near or far, in hatred or in love, you always have that person in mind when you listen to that "song". It brings back old memories, stories you've shared, jokes you've laughed, moments you wish you could have once again. So, a "SONG" is the place where you get to meet that "someone" again. (well, to me at least)


Recently, a chapter in my life began knowingly which somehow ended without me realizing it. I guess, things just happens in a way I can't understand what God is planning for me. No matter what it is, I'll just take the cruise HE is giving me.

Putting everything together (this is the good part.... hohoho)

I wrote a lil' song, for a person, because of a person.
Hopefully, everytime I listen back to this song, it'll remind me of that person.
this is a sad song to start of with,

to AstroBoy (you know who u r)

A story of dreams,
that wasn't mine to hold, to start.
to a love that had no truth, no existence
to an emotion that had no pride.
because of you.
I wish you love and bid you goodbye
I wrote this song because of you
May I'll see you in this song.
in summer, winter, autumn n spring.


Because of You.
song and lyrics by Audrey

I love the way you look at me
i get so weak on my knees
because
i get butterflies when u r around
i get tingles in my heart now
but its all because of you
because of you

i like to hear you say "i missed you"
i look away so shy my boo
because I get butterflies when u r around
i get tingles in my heart now
but it's all because of you
because of you..

you wrap ur fingers around mine
i want to hold it all the time
because you give me butterflies when u r around
i get tingles in my heart now
but it's all because of you
because of you..

you wonder why
oh why this lullaby plays on and on my love
I've nothing much to say,
then to tell you
it's all because of you

To all, I'm just gonna post the lyrics for now. I don't think I've got the guts to post the song here till I think I couldn't care less what the people think of the song n my singing. The song is nothing great really, but... it's mine. One day perhaps...


Till fingers meet keyboard,
xoxo,
Aud,

Love Factor - Right Person, Wrong Timing.

It's a quiet and warm night. (i miss the rain...)

While my fingers are pinned to the keys of the lappy, I let my brains run wild with ideas to write tonight. Yet, I'm still hopelessly trying to find the right things to write and end up crapping.

Honestly, I don't want this cyberworld I have here to be just a place for me to crap most of the time. (I think the weather is making me go a bit blue tonight).

After a quiet, an alone "me" time dindin, I find myself mulling over things that had happen these past few months.

"why?", "what?", "when?", "how?","who?"

The "WH" questions keeps playing repeatedly in my head like a broken tape player.
Can just someone stop it already?

Then.. I remembered, a conversation I had not long ago with a girlfriend..

"where have all the good guys gone to?"
"They're either taken"
"or... Married".....(long pause, with a snort, and a "duh!" look)
"or.. GAY"

true? perhaps.

Though my belief in the "Right Guy" or in some other terms and context "The One" exist for every girl may have fade over the years after meeting the bunch of mens I've bumped into, but, I do still believe it exist..(yes girls... you may call me foolish for saying that).

Some people have the privilege to date each other and stay in love for so long and only marry after years of dating since high school. Some were high school sweethearts, dated for so long only to realize they weren't right together and parted ways. Others, only took a year, or just months to know "he/she is THE ONE". In Hollywood, takes minutes to get hitched and only realize 24hrs after they're married, they were actually wrong for each other. (bizarred?)

I'm sure you've been in a situation where you've met this new person, and came to know his/her attitude and personality after sometime, and....before you know it, you've started to have that "itchy likey" feeling towards that person. It started with cute, interesting, naive shorts texts (the fishing game I call it), short phone calls, meeting up for a drink in a group...evolved to texting continuously (smiling while reading and replying those texts), more than 3 times a day phone calls (with small laughs that irritates others), meeting up for dinner and finding every reason to meet.

It leaves you with a gluey, warm, happy feeling doesn't it? (it makes your heart go "aaaahh.. or Mmmm... and awww....)

Then this situation goes to a state where you say, "bummer!"...

He has a taken or attached or married or gay or "it's complicated" status! (bummer!)

This goes back to my earlier WH questions which are still madly playing at the back of my head while I'm writing this.

Why You? Why Now? Why not before this? How could I? What am I feeling? When is it ending? How is it gonna be? Why did I meet you?
Who is Us?
What is Us?

then.. it evolved to my "What If" questions.

I answered, all my questions with...

"it was never mine from the beginning"
"It never was mine to start off, never could be, never will be."

He's the "right guy" because of the person he is. The way we are when we're together. The way our mind thinks (though it may not be alike and we misunderstand each other most of the time). Our differences and imperfections are just right. (probably I could be just exaggerating the whole situation). Our likings are just perfect.

We score A+ in Chemistry.

and yet, wrong timing.

why?


till fingers meet keyboards,
signin' off...
audrey
xoxo