From the words of my lady,
“what am I to you?, tell me darling true”
I’ve been sitting for days now thinking of the right thing to say. Over and over I listen to Norah trying to find some consolation to the questions playing repeatedly in my head. I’ve never been a person who has flair for words to put matters across to people, emotionally that is.
Little did I know what started over a night of a hasty decision, turned into something I couldn’t explain. Maybe, for once I’m trying to tell you. Perhaps.
“When I look into your eyes,
I could feel butterflies...”
I blindly entered a battle of war of truth and lies, existence and love. Why did I? Why did you? Was it the butterflies?
I’m torn between 2 worlds. One world tells me that it is wrong for me to be around you. The other kept assuring me it wasn’t. In both, I lost. Contemplating over this, it made me question myself, Why You? Was it your perfume? Was it the sound of your voice? Was it your touch? I hated the emotions. Which emotions? Hatred? Guilt? Satisfaction? Happy? Or love?
“Opened up my heart
Never want to part
I'm giving you the ball”
I constantly reminded myself, “no commitments, no strings attach”. Bullshit I say.
A dance wouldn’t be a dance, when only 1 dances.
A clap won’t sound, if one tries with just one hand.
A match won’t be one with one team playing.
Why this long?
I’ve smiled, I’ve laughed, I’ve listened, I’ve cried, I’ve had sleepless nights, I’ve hurt, I’ve cared, I’ve done more than “no strings attached, No commitments”.
We’ve sung, we’ve danced, we’ve held hands, we’ve kissed, we’ve had long nights, we’ve argued, we’ve shared, we’ve talked, Tell me, is it really “no strings attached? No commitments?”
What is real between us? I’m “non-existence”. Remember?
All it was, was just a “blip”.
All honesty, all truth fades in this world we’ve created.
What do you expect me to feel after 6 months? Hate? Like? Non-existence feelings?
I’m still just a person made of clay.
Both just alike in many ways, different in many ways.
“See I cry if you hurt
I'd give you my last shirt
Because I love you so”
“I love You”.... 3 little words, yet tremendous effect on one. We’ve uttered them, yet, it’s meaning? Empty.
I shy away from the truth of my existence, because I don’t deserve to. Neither you.
For the last time, I’ll say these to you, I love you.
I’m a changed person because of me, not you.
I want to change, because I want to, not for you.
I deserve to be happy, because of me. Not you.
At the end of the battle, I’ll turn my back, and see myself right to the door. I’ve got nothing to lose, because I survived. I survived the pain. I survived the heartache. I’ll go .We’ve parted ways, and let it be there.
Non-existence world we created,
Leaving behind the memories we dreamed,
Between you and me,
Let the love fade,
For now or never, if love prevails
Forever it stays.
To you,
I leave this question to you, ask deep within yourself, let all honesty, all truth within u answer.
What am I to You?
Yours truly,
xoxo
audreythe fragile heart
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Songs for the Soul : MYMP
Being a person who can't afford to live without music in a day, nor without singing (though i suck big time)..... I find it a "duty" to make the world know... or at least to those who reads my humble place to crap, what I listen to, who I listen to.
So, it's a project of mine, to feature the many artist/singer-songwriter/bands that I listen to, songs that gives me tingles and butterflies that makes my heart skip a beat, from time to time.
My first entry to this project, is to MYMP (Make My Momma Proud).
I stumbled upon MYMP through a friend who sweetly dedicated me a song of MYMP - Especially for you. MYMP is a Filipino band, made up of A lady (Juris) who is so sickly talented, with the most amazing sweet voice I've heard, and a guy (chin) who plays the guitar which is able to make ur heart go "awww..." (I bet if he was in front of you playing, you'd drop down to your knees if u were a girl.)
So, ANYWAY.... like what most people know, pinoys loves to sing! And they sing good. :) It's like in Malaysia too, when you say "kadazan people" to rest of the malaysian, they'd say "Owh, usually kadazan people likes to sing, and they can sing"(apa tidak, aramaiti ja kerja kan, kalau buli every day!)..... so, you get my point eh?
An introduction to mymp, I'll leave you with their rendition of Especially For you. Originally sang by Kylie Minogue and Jason Donovon. Enjoy peeps!
an ear for the rhythm,
oat the terrible singer.
xoxo
So, it's a project of mine, to feature the many artist/singer-songwriter/bands that I listen to, songs that gives me tingles and butterflies that makes my heart skip a beat, from time to time.
My first entry to this project, is to MYMP (Make My Momma Proud).
I stumbled upon MYMP through a friend who sweetly dedicated me a song of MYMP - Especially for you. MYMP is a Filipino band, made up of A lady (Juris) who is so sickly talented, with the most amazing sweet voice I've heard, and a guy (chin) who plays the guitar which is able to make ur heart go "awww..." (I bet if he was in front of you playing, you'd drop down to your knees if u were a girl.)
So, ANYWAY.... like what most people know, pinoys loves to sing! And they sing good. :) It's like in Malaysia too, when you say "kadazan people" to rest of the malaysian, they'd say "Owh, usually kadazan people likes to sing, and they can sing"(apa tidak, aramaiti ja kerja kan, kalau buli every day!)..... so, you get my point eh?
An introduction to mymp, I'll leave you with their rendition of Especially For you. Originally sang by Kylie Minogue and Jason Donovon. Enjoy peeps!
an ear for the rhythm,
oat the terrible singer.
xoxo
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Movie Marathon: Drag me To Hell & G. I. Joe
I had my first movie marathon for 2009, and also my first here in Sandakan. Yes ladies & gentleman, behold the truth, SANDAKAN has a cinema! Believe it or not, BELIEVE IT.
*exaggerating*
Usually I finish work @ 6.00pm. I'll reach my bachelorette pad at 6.10pm. Home is just 5 min away. (shweet aye?)... Was suppose to go for gym, but since I didn't charged up my mp3 player, so, I found the right excuse for me to skip gym. With that said, I couldn't resist the movie marathon date Astroboy proposed either. SO.... movie marathon it was, Drag me To hell & G. I Joe.
my reviews (like the rain cared...duh.)
Drag me to hell
Funnily, I hardly could remember how the movie starts (that bad?... yeap.)
Bad story cut short, Drag Me To Hell had the right sound effects, but bad acting plus weird kinda story line eventually dragged me to hell with it. Basically it's a voodoo shit story. If you're into stories about bomohs and whatever you call them, then I guess you'd be intrigued by it. If you're not then don't waste your Rm10 (you could get a bigMac).
The sound effects and the face of the creepy old witch looking women were good. I had a jump, so did Astroboy (lol). Imagine, How on earth could a mean medium or evil shit can be called a LAMIA? For crying out loud.... it would be better called Labia!!!. LOL. KIDDING. And, the worse part, that evil called Lamia is suppose to be an evil soul eater is portrayed as A GOAT?!! WTF? A GOAT!!! (but the goat was pretty creepy...) I think the director (plus the actors) were high on weed or hadn't got themselves laid. A GOAT bah! sheesh. The other part that I didn't get was, 20 minutes of the movie was about the lady trying to get rid of a BUTTON!!! shit. Maybe you should go and watch this movie, to witness its stupidity.
But, had a good laugh and few shockers. Out of 5 stars, I'll give it a 1.5 star. I've seen other stupid movies to top this one off.
G.I. Joe.
The movie that most boys has been waiting for.
I'll give it a 5 star for effects and the fighting scenes. Really impressed. Really seemed real, to me at least.
Choice of actors were good. Biased here though, due to Channing Tatum... (yummy...)
mm.... what else can I say, prolly I was expecting it to be anything less than dull. Due to initial expectations, I find it to be a bit er..... so-so. Not boring, but.... nothing great either. Unlike transformers. Guess I'm just not a fan.
Overall, not a bad choice.. RM10 was worth it.
Out of 5, I'll give it a 3.5... :)
There you go, my first reviews of movies.
What say you?
signing off,
aud the movie goer..
xoxo
*exaggerating*
Usually I finish work @ 6.00pm. I'll reach my bachelorette pad at 6.10pm. Home is just 5 min away. (shweet aye?)... Was suppose to go for gym, but since I didn't charged up my mp3 player, so, I found the right excuse for me to skip gym. With that said, I couldn't resist the movie marathon date Astroboy proposed either. SO.... movie marathon it was, Drag me To hell & G. I Joe.
my reviews (like the rain cared...duh.)
Drag me to hell
Funnily, I hardly could remember how the movie starts (that bad?... yeap.)
Bad story cut short, Drag Me To Hell had the right sound effects, but bad acting plus weird kinda story line eventually dragged me to hell with it. Basically it's a voodoo shit story. If you're into stories about bomohs and whatever you call them, then I guess you'd be intrigued by it. If you're not then don't waste your Rm10 (you could get a bigMac).
The sound effects and the face of the creepy old witch looking women were good. I had a jump, so did Astroboy (lol). Imagine, How on earth could a mean medium or evil shit can be called a LAMIA? For crying out loud.... it would be better called Labia!!!. LOL. KIDDING. And, the worse part, that evil called Lamia is suppose to be an evil soul eater is portrayed as A GOAT?!! WTF? A GOAT!!! (but the goat was pretty creepy...) I think the director (plus the actors) were high on weed or hadn't got themselves laid. A GOAT bah! sheesh. The other part that I didn't get was, 20 minutes of the movie was about the lady trying to get rid of a BUTTON!!! shit. Maybe you should go and watch this movie, to witness its stupidity.
But, had a good laugh and few shockers. Out of 5 stars, I'll give it a 1.5 star. I've seen other stupid movies to top this one off.
G.I. Joe.
The movie that most boys has been waiting for.
I'll give it a 5 star for effects and the fighting scenes. Really impressed. Really seemed real, to me at least.
Choice of actors were good. Biased here though, due to Channing Tatum... (yummy...)
mm.... what else can I say, prolly I was expecting it to be anything less than dull. Due to initial expectations, I find it to be a bit er..... so-so. Not boring, but.... nothing great either. Unlike transformers. Guess I'm just not a fan.
Overall, not a bad choice.. RM10 was worth it.
Out of 5, I'll give it a 3.5... :)
There you go, my first reviews of movies.
What say you?
signing off,
aud the movie goer..
xoxo
Saturday, August 8, 2009
My Bowl of Rice
I think it's high time for me to post something readable than my usual post about my so-called-hopeless-winding-dramatic life....
*thinking*
what should I write? family? er.... i'm happily still in the single land, so mm... no husband or kids to brag about. mm.. car? i drive a lousy cheap malaysian made car. work? mm........ it could be interesting. perhaps.
I always imagined myself diving in piles of files, late nights at my overlooking a great scene office, bombarding my few tens of staff, pin stripped clean cut pants n matching suit, LV bag on my right hand... and the dream goes on and on. Call me crazy, yeah.... I wanted that life. But...... who would've guessed (even myself), I'd end up educating. A teacher. Yes, that is what I am. A teacher.
I still get a few remarks from friends and strangers like "what??!! you're a Teacher?"..... with a humble reply, "Yes, I am... I know I know.... Me? a teacher?"
I don't know what is it that blows people mind off about me being a teacher. I'm too hot to be a teacher? or too crazy to be one? LOL. which ever it is, it doesn't really matter to me.
I must say, in today's school, it's like an evolving war of mutants and vampires. okay, that's exagerating, there's only 60% truth to that.... What I meant was. It wasn't like what I remembered how school was. The amount of subjects, textbooks (I still remember how dreadful it was to bring textbook which back then was just a few), the cliches, teachers.... n the long dreadful list goes.
As a malaysian teacher, you aer required to be MULTI-TALENTED SKILLED. shit. How on earth does one be so MULTISKILLED? You have to be as follow (at least more than 1 of the list below) :
1. An actor (able to deceive emotions, stay always above pressure especially in front of students)
2. A secretary. (you have to plan your schedule, you type your own question papers - for every suject you teach, key in your student's marks and so forth)
3. A handyman (you must be able to at least know how to be handy around the office in case anything breaks, or anything you might need to use for teaching needs to be made)
4. A driver (once in a while, especially at a school that doesn't have a driver since they don't have any bus, teachers are required to be DRIVERs for students).
5. A part time parent (A teacher's job for 6 hours, besides teaching in a class)
6. A trainer (whether you like sports or not or any co-curriculum activity for that matter, YOU HAVE TO LIKE IT)
There's more than the list above. But, I'm just too darn lazy to put it all. I'm sure you get my point by now.
Hear me out, I'm not complaining about my job. I'm not saying it's all bad. Just the side effects it has on me emotionally. lmao.
Prolly, I'd write about the fancy dandy stuff about being a teacher in my next post. :)
signing off,
the singing teacher,
xoxo.
*thinking*
what should I write? family? er.... i'm happily still in the single land, so mm... no husband or kids to brag about. mm.. car? i drive a lousy cheap malaysian made car. work? mm........ it could be interesting. perhaps.
I always imagined myself diving in piles of files, late nights at my overlooking a great scene office, bombarding my few tens of staff, pin stripped clean cut pants n matching suit, LV bag on my right hand... and the dream goes on and on. Call me crazy, yeah.... I wanted that life. But...... who would've guessed (even myself), I'd end up educating. A teacher. Yes, that is what I am. A teacher.
I still get a few remarks from friends and strangers like "what??!! you're a Teacher?"..... with a humble reply, "Yes, I am... I know I know.... Me? a teacher?"
I don't know what is it that blows people mind off about me being a teacher. I'm too hot to be a teacher? or too crazy to be one? LOL. which ever it is, it doesn't really matter to me.
I must say, in today's school, it's like an evolving war of mutants and vampires. okay, that's exagerating, there's only 60% truth to that.... What I meant was. It wasn't like what I remembered how school was. The amount of subjects, textbooks (I still remember how dreadful it was to bring textbook which back then was just a few), the cliches, teachers.... n the long dreadful list goes.
As a malaysian teacher, you aer required to be MULTI-TALENTED SKILLED. shit. How on earth does one be so MULTISKILLED? You have to be as follow (at least more than 1 of the list below) :
1. An actor (able to deceive emotions, stay always above pressure especially in front of students)
2. A secretary. (you have to plan your schedule, you type your own question papers - for every suject you teach, key in your student's marks and so forth)
3. A handyman (you must be able to at least know how to be handy around the office in case anything breaks, or anything you might need to use for teaching needs to be made)
4. A driver (once in a while, especially at a school that doesn't have a driver since they don't have any bus, teachers are required to be DRIVERs for students).
5. A part time parent (A teacher's job for 6 hours, besides teaching in a class)
6. A trainer (whether you like sports or not or any co-curriculum activity for that matter, YOU HAVE TO LIKE IT)
There's more than the list above. But, I'm just too darn lazy to put it all. I'm sure you get my point by now.
Hear me out, I'm not complaining about my job. I'm not saying it's all bad. Just the side effects it has on me emotionally. lmao.
Prolly, I'd write about the fancy dandy stuff about being a teacher in my next post. :)
signing off,
the singing teacher,
xoxo.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Little words, Big Meaning
It's been long 3 months since my last post. Pass recent months' events has been crazy, whimsical, and a rollercoaster!
It's weird when you think you're missing out on things, when actually it's really how u perceive the situation. So much had happen since the existence of Astroboy in my once gray life. People come and go in life. I believe each encounter has its meaning. Be it a person to change your views, be that person u just hate his guts or ego, a bitch that has a way of getting what she wants, be a friend... be a boyfriend, a husband... and the list goes. I'm still at a point at figuring "what is the meaning of this whole frenzy fiasco meeting?"
*rolling eyes*
It's mentally challenging my desire to stay above the pressure of finding the normality of the situation. A constant inner voice keeps reminding me "stop whatever you're doing".... yet, I still find myself crawling back to the dumpshit over and over again.
It's addicting.
I didn't post anything lately cause I had nothing to write but lousy stories about how lame my life currently is, except that it's a rollercoaster. ironic?
the lucky one,
aud
xoxo
It's weird when you think you're missing out on things, when actually it's really how u perceive the situation. So much had happen since the existence of Astroboy in my once gray life. People come and go in life. I believe each encounter has its meaning. Be it a person to change your views, be that person u just hate his guts or ego, a bitch that has a way of getting what she wants, be a friend... be a boyfriend, a husband... and the list goes. I'm still at a point at figuring "what is the meaning of this whole frenzy fiasco meeting?"
*rolling eyes*
It's mentally challenging my desire to stay above the pressure of finding the normality of the situation. A constant inner voice keeps reminding me "stop whatever you're doing".... yet, I still find myself crawling back to the dumpshit over and over again.
It's addicting.
I didn't post anything lately cause I had nothing to write but lousy stories about how lame my life currently is, except that it's a rollercoaster. ironic?
the lucky one,
aud
xoxo
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